Bad Days
by AnonymousWritingSoul
Summary: Set in D3, follow up to 'Human Touch'. A look at Adam during an anxiety attack and how he handles it with the help of Charlie. May be triggering due to talk about self harm.


**Wow, I for one, am amazed that I wrote and published another story. Like my last one, this is written** **mostly for me. But there are not enough Mighty Ducks fan fictions, and I feel like others should enjoy them when possible. Plus nobody can resist some Adam and Charlie friendship fluff :) Once again, I don't own the mighty ducks.**

Everybody has their bad days. But for Adam Banks, those bad days felt like the world was falling apart right under his feet. Sure, there were things that he felt he could have a say in and have control over. But for the most part these days, he felt powerless. He wasn't proud of his old anxiety reducer, but he couldn't deny that it always helped him. He missed cutting.

About a month ago was when he finally came clean about his secret habit. Most of the time he felt pretty good about his decision to do so. Days like these, however, made him regret it. It wasn't that he was unhappy about his support system, he couldn't have asked for a better one. It just meant that he wouldn't be able to cut. Which in the long run was probably a good thing but it sure as hell didn't feel like it now. It didn't even start out as a bad day, it never did. But the feelings, the self hate, the urges all hit him like a truck during his 4th period history class, which he unfortunately shared with a few varsity players. He sometimes hated his honors classes.

He never understood as to why it happened to him this way. Before anyone knew about his self harm, there was always a trigger to it. It was always a certain event that set off the urge to cut. But now, it was always because he was in his own head and he created the anxiety for himself. The urges even seemed to be stronger than before, he was amazed he had managed to stay clean for a month.

The bell rang and saved him from his hell in the classroom and he dashed for the closest bathroom to try and regroup. Taking a few heavy breaths, he unrolled his sleeve. Despite his lack of cutting, feeling his scars over and over was the closest thing he had to the actual behavior. He traced the pink scars on his arm one by one and tried to calm himself before he heard the bathroom door open.

"Adam?"

Adam looked up in horror as he saw Fulton standing there confused.

"Fulton, what are you doing here?" Adam cried, tugging his sleeve down.

"Uh, well I was hoping to take a leak, but are you okay? Are you crying?"

"What? No! I was just leaving." Adam stuttered as he scooped up his bag before trying to push himself past the bash brother, only to be grabbed by the wrist.

"Adam. What were you doing?" Fulton said sternly, looking at him in the eyes.

"Nothing Fulton, just leave it!" Adam grunted, freeing himself and dashing out of the bathroom.

"Shit." He cursed under his breath as he felt the hot tears coming down his face, not being able to stop them this time. He was supposed to meet the Ducks in the mess hall for lunch right now but he couldn't face seeing anyone. He had his mind on one thing only.

He sprinted across the campus to the dorms in record time and upon reaching his room, he threw his bag off to the side and slid onto the floor, body racked with sobs. He hated this. He hated this beyond description. How was he supposed to control this if he couldn't cut? It was the only thing he had that even moderately helped him and now that was taken away. He wanted help. He really did. But he didn't expect it to be his hard.

After he told his dad, he was taken to a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with clinical anxiety and depression. Which, granted did not come as a major surprise to him, but hearing it being used to describe him made it all too real. He didn't want those labels even if they were true. All they did was give a negative image of himself. One that he was ashamed to have. Since then, that's all he could see himself as. Depressed, anxious, broken. Cutter.

He couldn't take it. He just couldn't. He knew he promised he wouldn't but he didn't even care anymore. He needed to cut.

He tore through his room, looking everywhere for the possibility of a few stray blades that he kept for emergencies. It was pretty obvious though that Charlie cleaned them all out. They did share a room now after all. Adam started to hyperventilate. He knew he would breakdown soon if he couldn't get a sharp object in his hand in the next minute. He was rummaging through his desk drawers when he found a pencil sharpener. He briefly froze with the object in his hand before desperately attempting to pull it apart. He always heard of kids using the blade in there. He'd never been the one to do it himself, but he was desperate. The longer it took to get it out, the more anxious he got. He cried harder from frustration. With his vision blurring and his hands at work he didn't realize the door had swung open with a panting Charlie standing in the entryway.

"Adam what are you doing?" Charlie cried running over to him and knocking the pencil sharpener out of his hands.

Adam looked at his shaking hands, then at Charlie, before he let the dam burst. The angry pent up tears of the anxiety attack he'd had all day and the crippling depression he wanted to cut away. All of it poured out of him as Charlie embraced him, rubbing his back. Charlie was shocked. He honestly thought Adam was doing a lot better. But clearly Adam just had a good way of hiding things. Charlie held his best friend tighter, attempting to talk the boy down.

"Adam, hey come on. It's okay, it's okay. You're okay." Charlie whispered as Adam cried harder.

"No Charlie, I'm not! Don't you get it? I'm not! I'm never going to be okay, I have to live like this forever!" Adam sobbed as Charlie tried to calm him down to no avail.

"Adam no, that's not true. It probably feels like it now but it's not forever. I promise it won't be forever. This will pass. What can I do right now? What do you need?" Charlie asked.

Adam slowly pulled them apart from their embrace and wiped his eyes before looking at Charlie with hurt written all over him.

"Can you just- Can you just stay here? I don't want to be alone." He croaked out before Charlie took him in his arms again.

"Adam I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, Adam. I'm here." Charlie assured him as he cried into his shoulder.

They stayed like that for the entire lunch hour, but it felt much longer. It was enough for Charlie's legs to go numb. But he didn't care. All he cared about was Adam. And right now Adam was vulnerable and needed somebody there. Charlie was honored to be that somebody. He was glad he got to their room in time before Adam did anything. He wasn't a hundred percent sure if cutting was what Adam was planning to do, but he had a pretty good guess.

Once Adams sobs subsided to raspy breathing, Charlie figure that would be a good time to break the ice.

"Adam, I just have to know. What were you trying to do with the pencil sharpener? Charlie asked, already knowing the answer.

"I wanted to get the blade." Adam shamefully admitted.

"Oh, Adam."

"I'm so sorry Charlie. I just felt like I couldn't breathe and I could only think about cutting." Adam said, tears threatening to fall once again. Charlie resumed rubbing his back.

"Adam I'm not mad I just don't want you to hurt yourself. I know that to you it probably feels like the only way to calm down is to cut but it's just not. I'm just glad I got here in time."

"Yeah, about that, how did you know I was here?"

"Fulton came to me in the mess hall and said he saw you in the bathroom. He just said you were acting weird and it looked like you were about to cry and that you ran away when he tried to talk to you. I guess I knew that you would end up in the dorms."

Adam nodded at the response.

"What happened today? Something must have set this off." Charlie questioned as they both sat up, finally letting go of eachother. Charlie still held on to one of Adam's hands, though.

"Charlie, that's the thing. Nothing really happened, I just felt bad. But I just kept thinking and thinking and thinking and by the end of my history class I couldn't calm down. Maybe it was seeing some of the varsity players but I don't think that was it. I guess I just couldn't get out of my head. I hate being a freak, Charlie." Adam explained, not making eye contact.

"Adam you're not a freak, your-"

"I'm what, Charlie? What else could I possibly be other than a freak? I'm depressed and anxious and I'm a cutter for god sake. That sounds like a freak if I ever heard one." Adam snapped, cutting Charlie off.

Charlie sighed and put on hand on his friends shoulders.

"Adam, you're not a freak. You're hurt. You've been through a lot of hurt and cutting was what made it better for a while. But that doesn't make you a freak. You're just hurt and need to get better. It would be just like if you were sick, you need time to heal. It's not any different with mental health. And you know what else Adam? You're not alone. Even if it feels like the world is on your shoulders, you are not alone. You have me, and the Ducks, and Coach Orien and Bombay. Hell, you even have your dad. I know he cares about you even if he doesn't show it well. But you're never alone. Please know that."

Charlie looked into the wet blue eyes of his best friend and tighten his grip on his hand. Adam blinked a few times but couldn't find any words. Charlie saw this and filled the silence.

"Adam, this is not the answer."

Charlie slowly turned over his left arm and rolled up the sleeve, exposing the past scars.

"This, Adam, is not the answer. It's just not. I know you haven't cut in almost a month and I'm so proud of you for doing that. You need to understand how good that is. For someone like you who has all this pain and used cutting as the only resource. Going cold turkey for a whole month? Adam, that's amazing."

Adam turned to him.

"You think so?"

"Yes! Adam it's incredible. Now you just have to channel that urge into something healthier so the urge to cut isn't as bad." Charlie explained as Adam slowly nodded.

"But I don't know a healthy habit. I don't even know what that looks like." Adam said.

"Well, for me personally, I always listen to music when I'm upset. But there's so many other things too. Like, I don't know, you could read or write. No, wait, you should draw! I've seen your notebooks, you're always sketching something." Charlie suggested. Adam shrugged.

"Guess it wouldn't hurt."

They sat in silence for a moment before Adam spoke up.

"I didn't mean to scare you with this. I'm sorry if I did. You know that I don't expect you to watch my every move right? You shouldn't feel like you're responsible for me."

"Adam I know that, but when Fulton told me what happened I knew you needed somebody with you, and I really don't mind doing that. Neither would any of the other Ducks if they knew." Charlie assured.

"Fulton probably saw my arm." Adam said embarrassed.

"Hey, even if he did, I know he won't say anything to anyone. He knows better than that. Now if it were Russ, we'd have a problem.

They both chuckled at the comment. Adam ran his hand over his face, catching the last of the dried tears that clung to his warm cheeks. He looked back at Charlie and smiled.

"Thank you, Charlie. I really don't mean to bother you but-"

"Adam if it was a bother, I wouldn't be here right now. Believe me, you're fine. As long as you're okay. How are you feeling now, though?"

"A little bit better. What time is it?"

Charlie checked his watch and went wide eyed.

"Ten minutes into 5th period."

"Crap, well you better get going. I don't wanna get you in trouble. I don't think I'm gonna go to my afternoon classes." Adam said.

"You must be out of your damn mind if you think I'm gonna leave you alone, Banksy." Charlie remarked. Adam sighed.

"Charlie I swear I'm fine, really. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Adam, I'm not leaving you alone like this. How about we go to the diner? I know my mom will understand. Hell, she could probably be our excuse for ditching class."

Adam thought for a moment, still unsure.

"Come on, she can snag us some donuts!" Charlie chimed and Adam laughed.

"Well, I guess it would be a good distraction from, this." Adam agreed and Charlie smiled, pulling them both to their feet. He pulled his friend into a hug one last time.

"I'm proud of you, Adam. You're going to pull through, I just know it."

"Thanks Charlie." Adam replied smiling, before the friends made their way out of their dorm.

 **A week later**

Adam threw his book bag on his bed and let out a heavy sigh of frustration. This school wasn't kidding when they said they'd pile on the work, considering Adam's bag grew twice its size since this morning. Plus having two tests today on top of all the new work just made for another anxiety attack. Unfortunately, this time around, there was no way he could release it. Charlie made a 'No pencil sharpener rule'. And a bunch of rules on top of that. The long and short of it being, 'Nothing sharp in the dorm'.

Adam sighed again before laying down. Maybe he could nap off the anxiety. As he laid his head on his pillow, he heard a crunch. Confused, he lifted the pillow to find something wrapped in newspaper with a twine string tied in a bow. He untied the makeshift ribbon and ripped the newspaper off like a kid on Christmas to find what appeared to be a notebook. He opened the cover and a folded slip of paper fell out.

 _Adam,_

 _You are stronger than any urge. When you want to cut, draw instead. It's much better to leave marks on paper then on your body. I can't wait to see what you do with this._

 _-Charlie_

Adam smiled at the note before tucking it into the back of his new sketchbook as a reminder. A reminder to be strong. A reminder to be brave. And a reminder that no matter what, he always had Charlie. He opened the book to the first page and pulled a pen out of his bag and put it to the paper, letting his mind go and having the pen take over.

 **Thanks for reading, I'm having a lot of fun writing these. If you have an idea or prompt for Adam and Charlie friendship or the Ducks in** **general, let me know and I'll give it a shot.**


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